Predictably enough, it was Ron who broke the tense silence. "So, you've taken up with a Death Eater now? It's bad enough you had to break her heart and disgrace poor Ginny with your disgusting – "
"Ronald, that's enough!" Hermione shouted.
Ron's words hit him like a shower of acid. Harry couldn't believe how much they hurt after all this time.
Fortunately, they appeared to be the only four people lingering in the now deserted theatre. That Death Eater comment could have been a problem.
Facing off with Ron, Harry opened his mouth to give the stupid git a piece of his mind, but before he could say a word, Severus' icy voice offered, "I would hardly deem a woman who just delivered her sixth child heartbroken. Clearly, your sister isn't pining away for Potter. You might take a page from her book and try growing up, Weasley."
"Why you filthy – " Ron began.
"Just shut up," Harry hissed before Ron could say anything unforgivable. The last thing they needed was a duel in a Muggle theatre. "You leave those I care about alone. You've no right to judge me. Just . . . piss the fuck off." Catching Hermione's horrified gaze, Harry said, "Sorry, Hermione."
Grabbing hold of Severus' arm, he turned and stormed into the lobby. Blinded by rage, it took him a moment to realize that Severus was tugging at him.
Beyond thought, Harry allowed himself to be led.
Severus guided him into the men's room, which was fortunately empty at the moment. Once the door closed behind them, Severus' dark gaze scoured the room. Then he took hold of Harry and the next thing Harry knew, they were standing in Severus' familiar sitting room.
Harry was horrified to realize he was shaking.
Severus pressed something into his hand. Harry stared down at the golden liquid in the tumbler.
"Drink it," Severus softly ordered.
Harry did so without protest, hoping that the firewhiskey's burn would drown the blaze of fury. After a long time of standing there, seeing nothing, Harry took a deep breath and turned to Severus, who was watching him with open worry less than a foot away. "I, er, I'm sorry about that."
"What have you to be sorry for?" Severus answered.
"That scene was hardly pleasant," Harry said, unable to believe how upset he still was. After ten years, you would have thought he'd have known better.
"And I suppose you find the times wizards spit 'Death Eater' at me enjoyable?" Severus countered.
"That's different," Harry objected.
"Not to me, it isn't," Severus softly answered. "Come, sit down."
Harry allowed himself to be guided over to the sofa. He braced himself, waiting for the questions that he knew had to be burning in Severus – who wouldn't have been curious after that awful row? – but Severus simply sat at his side, shooting him surreptitious glances when he thought Harry wasn't watching.
Too tense for pretence, Harry finally said, "In all the time we've been together, you've never asked me about them."
He'd dreaded those inevitable questions. Everyone wanted to know what happened to the famous threesome. But Severus had never asked, not once. Only now did Harry recognize that, aside from casual inquiries into how his day had gone, Severus never asked him anything personal at all.
"And you've never asked me what I did as a Death Eater," Severus answered in a low voice. "You never speak of them. I assumed . . . something had happened to come between you."
"You could say that," Harry said. Sighing, because it was all too much, he continued, "I, er, realized – "
"Potter," Severus firmly, but gently interrupted him, "you needn't go into this. You do not have to explain yourself to me or justify anything."
To Harry's shock, Severus meant the words.
No one had ever given him this kind of acceptance before, not even Ron and Hermione when things had been good between them. His throat tightened up like someone had cast a curse on it. Gulping around the reaction, Harry softly said, "Maybe I need to tell you. Maybe I need for you, of all people, to know me."
He wondered how many times a day he startled Severus. This was clearly one of those times. He heard Severus swallow, and then Severus shifted position so that he was facing him on the sofa. Severus' left arm settled on the couch back, his long yellow-stained fingers coming to rest on Harry's shoulder in a gesture that might have been casual, but wasn't.
"As you wish," Severus said.
"I, er, was engaged to Ginny for two years. It was . . . comfortable. I'd always wanted to have a family like the Weasleys, and . . . I was finally going to get my wish, only . . . ."
"Only?" Severus gently encouraged. There was something in his eyes that told Harry that he already knew what Harry was about to say, but then, in light of Ron's words earlier this evening, the truth probably wasn't hard to guess.
"Only the sex wasn't happening anymore," Harry confessed. "Hadn't been for . . . well, over a year, really. Ginny and I were like an old married couple, only . . . we weren't married. We were at her family's Christmas dinner when I looked across the table at Bill Weasley and, well, I, er – "
"Had something of an epiphany?" Severus suggested.
"Yeah. It was . . . horrible. I was sitting there with Ginny holding my hand, when I realized that the thing I wanted more than anything was to shag her oldest brother."
"Did you?" Severus asked.
"Did I what?" Harry asked, confused.
"Shag Bill Weasley?"
Harry couldn't believe that Severus was asking him that, and in such a normal tone, like it would be no big deal if he had. "Of course not. I . . . it totally freaked me out. I tried to pretend that nothing was different, but . . . those feelings weren't going away. Finally, I had to tell her."
"That you wanted her brother and not her?" Severus asked, once again in that completely non-judgmental tone.
"No. I made it general. Told her that I had feelings for other men. She didn't take it well, but Ron . . . he, well, you saw how he was. Ginny was married to Dean Thomas less than a year after I broke it off, but . . . the family's never forgiven me," Harry said. "Hermione has tried to stay friends with me, but it's hard with her being married to Ron and all."
Harry looked at Severus, wondering what he thought of the melodramatic mess.
That strong featured face was remarkably undisturbed. "It often seems that to be true to our nature, we must sacrifice those things that matter the most to us."
"Did you have to sacrifice your friends when you . . . figured out that you liked men?" Belatedly realizing that just because he felt compelled to spill his guts didn't necessarily mean that Severus was similarly inclined, Harry quickly said, "Sorry. You don't have to answer that. It's really none of my business."
Severus expression was uncharacteristically tender as he replied, "If not yours, then whose is it? The answer is no, Potter. Until quite recently, I never had anything to lose. That is, I regret, the story of my life."
Unravelling what that 'until quite recently' really meant, tonight's scene suddenly didn't seem that important. Harry was stunned that Severus would admit such a thing to him, but as was usual between them, Severus had told him without really saying anything.
Drawn like metal filings to a zhaiyuedu.com, Harry shifted closer. As Severus' arms came around him, Harry rested his cheek against Severus' black robes, taking a deep, shuddery breath.
"Was," Harry whispered, clutching Severus tight.
"What?" Severus asked, his hand slipping on to Harry's back and rubbing in comforting circles.
"Was the story of your life," Harry whispered, hoping he wasn't about to blow things. Even after all these weeks, he still wasn't certain how Severus felt about openly addressing what was between them. "We both have something to lose now."
Severus' arms tightened almost painfully around him.
